We are once again visiting Husband’s family, which is always a lovely thing to do. Too bad it’s 1,600 degrees outside and everyone is swimming but me. What am I doing? Why sitting inside where it’s cool, hoping no one has yet noticed that I’m not there.
The kids are screaming and splashing in the pool, saving every inappropriate thought and unsettling question for the precise moment when their grandparents enter the pool. But hey, after my daughter began pretending to be the owner of Chuck’s Liquor Outlet I sneaked inside. It was that or blow an incredulous gasket.
Thank you. No really, I mean it. Thank you for killing my mothering pride. Please, do keep on pretending that you’re getting drunk off of an imaginary drink of pool water. ‘Cause, you know, that’s the climate in our house. We stagger around all the time and I want your grandparents to know that.
And while you’re at it, do take this opportunity to ask, yet again, what the word ‘bosom’ means, even though you know. And do NOT remember your multiplication facts. Just pretend that I didn’t work on those with you all of last year, ok? Because I don’t feel any pressure as a homeschool mom to get you from educational point A to point B or anything. I’m totally fine with you pretending ignorance at every turn. And I don’t mind when my loved ones aren’t sure if I’m doing a good job or not. So keep it up, Sweethearts.
Word to the wise: when you ask the Lord to keep you humble, He will do it. You might want to know that going in.