Analyze This

I had the weirdest dream last night.  It was probably partly due to last night’s thunderstorm and partly because I watched TV straight up until the time my eyes closed (I do not recommend this).

Anyway, I dreamed I was in a beach house with Husband, the kids, and the Obamas.  We were just chilling, eating hors d’oevres from Wal-Mart.  I think the president might have been wearing cut-off jeans.  The conversation was light and merry.  I remember thinking that I hoped Michelle would like me, and she did.  She gave me a little conspiratorial side hug.  Which was weird because I knew I hadn’t voted for her husband and wasn’t planning to this time, either.  But maybe she didn’t know that, and I thought it would make our beach vacation better if that part never came up, so I didn’t mention it.

Barack liked our kids, and he smiled a lot.  He was so handsome in my dream that all I could do was to try not to stare at his teeth.  I didn’t want to be the weird one in the group.  Suddenly, however, our little party took a turn for the worse.  A large middle school girl rang our beach house doorbell.  When I answered the door, she grabbed the Obamas’ chunky, gold chain necklace (which I happened to be holding) and took off running.

I shrieked and told Barack and Michelle what had happened, but they just stood there staring.  I said, “I’m going after it, OK?  I’ll get it back for you!  Just you wait here!”  I needn’t have added that last part as no one made a move.

I ran, sweatily, all over the neighborhood, which had suddenly turned from a beach community into a suburban cul-de-sac.  I finally found the middle school thief and I demanded the bling-bling back.  She gave in surprisingly easily, and I snatched the precious metal, clutching it to my chest.  Wow, this thing must be solid gold.  It’s awfully heavy…

I calmed my breathing, straightened my spine, and walked coolly back into our beach house.  I presented the Obamas with their solid gold necklace.  They thanked me, but–oddly–were not super excited.  I wondered for a millisecond if I wasn’t supposed to have retrieved it after all.  But I shook that thought off because that’s stupid.

The End


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