The Bloodiest Battles

Here’s what I’m learning.  There’s a lot to be afraid of in this life, country, world.  A lot, if you don’t count Jesus.  There’s a lot to run from, deny, and avoid.  There are what-ifs that seem increasingly probable, imminent.  Scenarios form on the horizon like magic-eye pictures, certain hopes begin to feel ridiculous.  Things look bad, if you leave Jesus out.

Here’s what I know.  There’s a battle raging for our souls, and failing that, a battle for our minds.  I mean, I know what I know, but do I believe it?  Jesus said, I will never leave you or forsake you.  He said, Be anxious for nothing.  He promised, Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.  And I know all of this.  I’ve known it since I was five.  But what do I believe in the middle of the night?

They say knowledge is power.  And, I guess, in a sense that’s true.  But it’s not the whole story.  Knowledge is one thing; action worked-out from a place of belief is another.  For me, the last two weeks have been daily prolonged battles to believe the Lord and his word.  They’ve included almost-hourly bloody Enemy onslaughts on my fragile sense of well-being.  There have been multiple invitations to splash down, and drown, in a pool of anxiety and despair.  Closed-throat, shallow breathing, eyes wide open, heart slowly closing.

I’d love to say that I feel fine now but I don’t.  My heart is racing even as I type this.  What I know is, Jesus is near.  He loves me and he is helping me, minute by minute.  He has not decided to give me the peace that passes understanding just yet.  I’ve asked him several times.  But what I know now, what I truly believe, is that there is a battle for my mind, and for yours.  The Enemy requests my presence at his nihilistic parties, constantly attempts to seduce me into hopelessness.  He knows he cannot truly have me, but he’d like to see me paralyzed just the same.

Jesus will not let him.

 

 

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3 thoughts on “The Bloodiest Battles

  1. I don’t know what you are struggling with but I know I am scared to death for our country and for our children. I fear the persecution of Christians, in very real, very not just mean words way. I also know that this fear has also driven me to my Bible and to my knees (all though ot as much as I should) and made my faith real in ways it’s never been before. I pray I never have to be a Corrie Ten Boom, but if I do that I will remain strong and courageous. I’m scared, like I’ve never been scared before and I feel like I’m in a sea of clueless apathetic people who worry more about their children’s vacation then do about their souls. Thank you for continuing to remind me to run to Jesus!

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  2. Trish Beresford says:

    Still praying for you. Having been through some pretty dark places, I have learned that Jesus is real, and that Jesus is always near, even when I cannot feel Him. I wish I had better words to share with you…God is near to you!

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